Bizarre Christmas Incident Lyrics – Ben Folds
Singer: Ben Folds
Title: Bizarre Christmas Incident
Ho ho ho!
Play it Grandpa
(Yeah, play it!)
Let’s tell them a little story
About what happened this Christmas
(Yeah, tell them!)
Christmas Eve
I didn’t get much sleep
I kept hearing things
Heavy breathing from the chimney…
Who could it be?
(I’ll tell you what it was…)
(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
Well, I went back to sleep…
(You went back to sleep?!)
(sh*t!)
Tired man, went back to sleep
And in the morning
I couldn’t believe my eyes
A whale of a corpse with a long, white beard
Was dangling over the fire
(ha ha ha!)
Oh, Santa, he’s a big, fat f*ck
Went down the chimney, got his fat #ss stuck
Oh, honey call the lawyers fast
’cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my #ss
Hey, hey, hey!
(hey!)
Okay Grandpa, step up
Sing in this thing right here
Tell them what you saw
Tell them what you saw, Grandpa!
I gotta tell you folks
He wasn’t wearing no clothes
(No clothes?!)
He must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco
From his back, down to his toes
While I was talking to the cops outside
The dog was lickin’ Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double-wide
What a sad, sad way to die
Santa, he’s a big, fat f*ck
Went down the chimney, got his fat #ss
Oh, honey call the lawyers fast
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
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Lyrics Ben Folds – Bizarre Christmas Incident
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