Lijah Lyrics – Don White
Singer: Don White
Title: Lijah
Let me tell you about the fall of ’79
We were running out of money, we were running out of time
And we wound up picking pears way over in washington
For eight months before that, we’re hitchin’ down the road
With a dog named lijah—she was one year old
We had that dog ever since she was a little pup—
Now our baby was growin’ up
What got into lijah, i just can’t say
I guess she started reaching the curious age
And she had this aroma she was sending all over the land
And in every backyard for four or five miles
Every male dog was howling and going so wild
They were driving their owners crazy, but they didn’t care—
And dog love was in the air
Jumpin’ out of windows, breakin’ off chains
Poodles, cocker spaniels, german shepherds, great danes
They were raunchy, rabid, ugly, mangy, mean
They were trying to find the orchard queen
I was in a tree and lijah was right
Down beneath me, to my surprise
I saw twenty-five male dogs closing in on her
So i picked me a pear, i threw it on down
I hit a cocker spaniel—i knocked him to the ground
He got up quick—he was dazed, but he wasn’t deterred
I threw down another and i hit him on the head
And he went down hard, i thought he was dead
But he still went for lijah, after taking two direct hits
The little sucker was passionate
We jumped from the tree, we ran to the shack
Pursued by a h#rn#, crazed wild dog pack
And our dog lijah fought us every inch of the way
And when we got to the shack we were both in shock
And we felt like we were in a movie by hitchcock
We looked at each other and we did not know what to say
How could our little girl act this way?
You know, ladies and gentlemen, you try to bring ’em up right
You feed ’em alpo—you keep ’em tied at night
You try to teach ’em morals, you try to teach ’em about society
You hope maybe they’ll marry some rich purebred doctor’s dog
From marblehead—but no
One day they’re an innocent child
Next day you know they’re out running so wild
Lijah, i never thought you would turn out to be—
The picture of promiscuity!
Now just briefly, the word promiscuity over here in macadamia—wherever the hell i am, academia, one of those nuts—hey, the word goes fairly well over here. but when i sing this song in lynn, nobody has a clue what the word means over there. it’s not that they don’t know how to behave promiscuously—certainly have a handle on the behavior part. it’s the terminology that gives ’em a problem. so, as something of a public service, i’m gonna teach you how to say “promiscuous” in lynn-speak. in case you ever get lost on your way to nahant some day. and you’re over there in lynn, downtown central square—what you would be doing in central square needing the word “promiscuous” i guess is your own business really, isn’t it—okay, this is the way you would say it so that the local people would understand you.
Lijah, i never thought you would turn out to be—
Wicked sl#tty!
(thank you.
Is that clear enough for everybody in the balcony up there? all right.)
The next morning i took a pair of my bvd underwear
And i put them on lijah and i put her tail through the little hole
And i let her run free in the orchard that day
And every male dog in washington state
Took a try at lijah, but the only that they felt—
Was the low budget chastity belt
That night when we got to the shack
I took the underwear and i threw them out back
They were wet and they were dirty and i did not think much of it
But, lord almighty, what happened then
When the male dogs got a good whiff of them
It was the biggest dog riot that there ever was anywhere—
It was over lijah’s underwear!
They fought and rumbled, they brawled all night
They were killing one another ’til the morning light
They were fighting to the death for the greatest prize anywhere
And when it all was finished, when it all was done
A doberman pinscher was the champion
He was wounded but he looked so triumphant standing there
With lijah’s underwear
And just to leave you with one more visual image. this is what this dog looked like. you know, the moon was behind him, he was up on this hill, he was kind of torn and tattered. and he had this, you know, the greatest prize in all of dogdom hanging from his mouth. and the look on his face—i just want you all to remember, take it home with you if you could, all right—this is what he looked like. and then he began gleefully to whistle his favorite song.
Thank you all so very much.
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Lyrics Don White – Lijah
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