Twirler Girl Lyrics – Jared Gertner
Singer: Jared Gertner
Title: Twirler Girl
You think a twirler girl would actually go out with you?
That would destroy the whole natural order of things.
“Hello, Elliott.” she said
I think she finally noticed me!
It’s only been ten years!
Those are the first words she said
Since we were in soph’more chemistry
“Pass the pipette, please. Thanks!”
KYLE, STEWART, SPITZ & ALVIN laugh
But I think she’s noticed that I’m not the same
And this time she even used my name
Well, stranger things havе happened.
SPITZ (spoken)
Yеah, Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
ELLIOTT
Bright white tennis shoes, a smile that cures any blues
SPITZ
She makes your flag unfurl
KYLE
But do you really have a prayer?
STEWARD
You’re just a tuba player
ALVIN
And she’s a twirler girl
She’s a twirler girl
Besides, isn’t she, like, engaged to that jerk from the swim team?
No! He dumped her last week. Right in the middle of her shift at the Chick-Fil-A.
Brutal!
Maybe if her best friend put in a good word? On my behalf?
SPITZ
Nicole likes guys who are tall
Who act real macho and in command
ELLIOTT
That’s true, but still after all
I’m captain of the school marching band
SPITZ
I mean, I think she likes athletes, dude
ELLIOTT
But I’ve been working out on the elliptical
My weight is down, can’t you see?
And now I’m thinking that the feeling’s reciprocal
By the way that she looked at me
Fifteen pounds lighter, maybe I could invite her out
For a chocolate strawberry swirl
She could drink it while I eat a salad with a side of pita
She’d be your twirler girl!
ELLIOTT
She’d be my twirler girl!
There’s no way you’ve got a shot with her, home slice!
You guys are just jealous. She’s totally into me.
Yeah, right, and Sousa wrote waltzes!
And Nicole is prettier than my brother’s girlfriend
The “Miss Cuyahoga Falls” winner
And my whole family would look at me differently
If I brought her home to have dinner
My dad would put down his golf magazine
And my mom would stop watching T.V.7nbsp;
And they’d see that I was someone
For once I’d be someone
Not just my weatherman brother, but me
Then she’d come up to my room, and we’d sit on my floor
Reading rare-back issues of the Fantastic Four
Then we’d watch all three Star Wars movies in succession
And I’d crack her up with my Chewbacca impression
ELLIOTT does a wookie roar
And we’ll play two-player on my Nintendo System
And I’ll play my compositions
How could she resist ‘em?
‘Cause secretly, she’ll say, “I love all that stuff,”
Just like me, a music lover and a sci-fi buff
And finally she’ll see that I’m good enough
I’d be good enough!
And we’ll ride to school in my brother’s Chevy Malibu
The former swine and his pearl
And all the jocks’ll turn around to get a better view of
Me and my twirler-
Finally I’ll walk the halls without any cat calls
No, they’ll have no insults to hurl
Oh, I can’t wait to see the way that they look at me
Me and my twirler girl
My twirler girl!
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Lyrics Jared Gertner – Twirler Girl
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