Water Lyrics – Steven Wright
Singer: Steven Wright
Title: Water
I got up this morning. i couldn’t find my socks, so i called information. i said, “hello, information?” she said, “yes?” i said, “i can’t find my socks.” she said, “they’re behind the couch.” and they were
I’m tired of calling up the movies and listening to that recording of what’s playing, so i bought the album
Last time i went to the movies, i was thrown out for bringing my own food in. my argument was, “the concession stand prices are outrageous! besides, i haven’t had a barbecue in a long time.”
Went to the 〈.?.〉, “adults, $5; children, $2.50”. i said, “alright. give me two boys and a girl.”
One time, i went to the drive-in in a cab. movie cost me $95
I went in to a place to eat. it said, “breakfast any time.” so i ordered french toast during the renaissance
One time, right in the middle of a job interview, i took out a book and i started reading. the guy said, “what the hell are you doing?” i said, “let me ask you one question. if you were in a vehicle and you were traveling at the speed of light and then you turned your lights on, would they do anything?” he said, “i don’t know.” i said, “forget it then. i don’t wanna work for you.”
Every night, i go home and i stare at my rug and i try to move it using telekinesis. been doing that every night for eight years. the rug hasn’t moved an inch. the rest of the house is gone
A while ago, i was in las vegas. i was at the roulette table having a furious argument over what i considered an odd number
That’s pretty funny
I bought some powdered water, but i don’t know what to add
I spilled spot remover on my dog. now, he’s gone
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Lyrics Steven Wright – Water
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